


I'll Defend Your Honour (Even When You Don't Need Me To)

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Antidote to Canon [5]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Gen, I was angry when I wrote this, Jealousy, Male-Female Friendship, Pregnancy, Reunions, Season/Series 08, Secrets, Thanksgiving Dinner, What I Wish Would Happen But Won't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 21:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21380809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Boden glanced warily at Matt before announcing shortly. “I’ve heard from Dawson that she’s back in town to raise money for her work in Puerto Rico. She asked if she and her colleague could join us at Thanksgiving dinner but if you-”“It’s fine.” Matt bit out. No one looked convinced but they also didn’t point this out.The Gabriela Dawson returns to 51. Old wounds are reopened but some aren't and Matt is reminded that his friends will always have his back.
Relationships: Chief Wallace Boden & Matthew Casey, Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide, Past Matthew Casey/Gabriela Dawson, Sylvie Brett & Matthew Casey
Series: Antidote to Canon [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552927
Comments: 32
Kudos: 122





	I'll Defend Your Honour (Even When You Don't Need Me To)

The first Matt heard about it was from a grave-looking Boden. He, Severide and Herrmann were in Boden’s office, the man himself glanced warily at Matt before announcing shortly.

“I’ve heard from Dawson that she’s back in town to raise money for her work in Puerto Rico.” Matt didn’t know what his face was doing – he felt numb – but Severide’s expression was creased as he eyed Matt. Herrmann made a half-happy, half-wary noise.

Matt found himself blurting. “She’s coming here.”

Boden nodded and held up a hand. “She asked if she and her colleague could join us at Thanksgiving dinner but if you-”

“It’s fine.” Matt bit out, shoulders and arms cramping from how tense he was. No one looked convinced but they also didn’t point this out.

“Well, it’ll be good to see her again.” Herrmann said warmly. Severide didn’t say anything, still side-eying Matt, who quickly excused himself. Familiar footsteps followed him and he fought to keep his pace steady and to not break into a run.

Severide caught up with him but stayed silent until they went into Matt’s office. “Why did you tell Boden you were okay with her coming?”

The vehemence in the opener surprised Matt, who replied cautiously. “It’s her right to visit, my feelings don’t really mat-”

“She left.“ Kelly interrupted, looking like he wanted to pace. “You’re still here. I think that puts you at the top of the priority list.”

Again, Matt was confused as to why Kelly cared so much about it. So he asked. Kelly blinked before shaking his head. “She didn’t exactly leave painlessly, didn’t seem to care about _your _feelings. So if she expects to just be able to swan back in like nothing happened…” He trailed off, eyebrows raised.

Matt sighed, leaning against the wall. “I’m not so naïve as to think it’ll be a picnic, but I’ve moved on. Making a big fuss over it isn’t exactly a healthy reaction.”

Kelly considered. “You really over it?”

Matt looked down. “As much as I can. Don’t know if I’ll ever put it all behind me, ever stop feeling something for her.”

Kelly put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Well, I’ll be able to run interference if you want.”

Matt nodded, smiling a little.

“Thanks, Kel.”

Everyone else seemed pleased Dawson was visiting, if wary of seeming too happy about it around Matt. The tiptoeing annoyed him but he knew better than trying to claim to be over the divorce, so bit his tongue. Both Stella and Sylvie checked in with him about it. He wasn’t sure if Severide had asked Stella to do it, either way he brushed her off as nicely as he could. Sylvie, on the other hand, was in a similar boat to him. Gabby’s abrupt departure and avoidance of messages still stung a little; so Sylvie was not going to hug her without an apology.

That was what she told Matt over dinner one night. Matt had admitted to missing cooking for people – Stella and Severide had politely eaten enough chicken parmesan – so Sylvie accepted his offer to cook for her. They were sitting at the dining table in her and Cruz’s apartment, him with a beer, her a glass of white.

“I don’t expect her to get on bended knee or anything.” She was saying, fork arching a little through the air as she gestured. “Just a ‘sorry I skipped town’ or something.” Matt was nodding sincerely and Sylvie giggled. “There it is.”

Matt’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“Your look.” He remembered that drunken conversation and laughed. She joined in before asking. “I don’t know, what about you?”

Matt rotated his beer bottle a little this way and that. “I’m not sure what I’d want from her. Nothing would make it okay. Anyway I’m…” He sighed and Sylvie frowned. Seeing this, Matt explained. “I keep saying that I’m over it, over her. That I’ve closed that chapter of my life. But what if I’m just kidding myself? What if I see her again and…”

Sylvie watched him, eyes soft.

“Well, I can’t say what will happen or how you’ll feel but I do know that I’ll be there and Severide and Joe and everyone else.” Matt bit a nail, not bringing up how people used to sing Gabby’s praises, how Herrmann viewed her almost as a surrogate daughter, how the Chief had a soft spot for her.

“Yeah.” He answered finally, managing a smile as Sylvie laid a hand over his wrist.

“I mean it.”

“I know.” And the twinkle in her eyes made him feel lighter. “I just wanted to say, how much I value your friendship. You’ve really been there for me.”

“Me too.” She looked relieved. “I don’t want anything to change.”

Matt huffed a laugh. “Same. Let’s continue, doing this.”

Sylvie giggled at the awkwardness of his phrase but she still nodded.

“Agreed.” They shook hands and burst out laughing. Matt went to bed happy that night.

…

_She_ came about an hour before lunch. Squad 3 and Engine were out on a call so it was the Chief, truck and ambo who greeted her first. Matt was in his office when Sylvie ducked in. He knew from her expression what was going on.

“Okay, I’m nervous. Why am I nervous? She should be the one dreading my reaction. This isn’t fair!”

Matt bit back a smile as Sylvie paced. “Brett.” He tried but still she rung her hands. “Sylvie.” He stood, putting his hands over hers. She stilled and looked up at him. After a moment she sighed. He reminded warmly. “Whatever happens…”

Her face softened but before either of them could say anything else, there was a cough from the door. There she was – looking tired but also irritated, like when he woke her in the middle of the night. All he’d had to do then was snuggle until she relaxed and fell asleep again. His heart twanged as part of him wanted that back. Sylvie’s hands slipped from his.

“Dawson.” She greeted and even Matt winced at the ice in her voice. Gabby pulled herself up.

“Brett, how’ve you been?”

“Fine.” Sylvie glanced at Matt, who nodded. She patted his shoulder, mimicking the way he often did it, before excusing herself, pushing past Gabby. Stepping into the office, Gabby glanced around before crossing her arms. Matt waited her out.

“Aren’t you going to ask me how I’ve been?” She tried to joke.

“Why are you here Gabby?”

“To fundraise and pay my respects to Otis.” Matt let out a steady breath, looking over her shoulder at the empty bunkroom.

“In my office. What are you doing here?”

Eyes shining a little in the light, she replied breathily. “You weren’t in the breakroom. I missed you.”

Throat tight, he replied. “I missed you too. Still a little pissed though.”

Her brow furrowed. “I thought you understood, you supported my decision.”

Despite recognising a classic Gabby move, Matt felt calm. “I did. Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt me.”

Her expression crumpled.

“I never wanted that, you have to believe me.” Her whisper took him back, back to the days his bed was warm and her favourite wine was in the fridge and their shoes sat next to each other by the door. He closed his eyes and tensed as a scalding hot palm cupped his cheek.

“Don’t-” He croaked. She was closer, her floral scent filling his nose and his head with her.

The distant sound of a door opening pulled them out of the moment and he stepped back, almost bumping into the wall. Eyes sliding behind his ex-wife, he saw Gallo walking up, though he slowed as he took in the scene. Gabby turned and whatever was on her face stopped Gallo right in his tracks. He swallowed and looked between the ex-couple.

“Yes?” Matt asked the candidate as kindly as he could.

Gallo cleared his throat. “Chief said to let you know chow’s up in 5.”

Matt nodded. “Thanks, Gallo. We’ll be right there.”

Once the poor candidate was gone, Gabby turned back around, face hard. “Is it because of Brett? You and her together now?”

Matt blinked before bursting into a startled laugh. “No! We’re just friends.”

She was unmoved, eyeing him closely. Her scrutiny irritated him.

“Why do you care anyway?”

Blinking, she stepped back and instantly his lungs expanded gratefully.

“I don’t.” She replied icily.

“Good.” He rejoined steadily.

She stayed a second longer before stalking out. Matt gave her a minute head start before following, stomach a pit of angry snakes.

...

Dinner started well: they named the turkey after one of Capp’s exes and tucked in, people updating Gabby as to the latest gossip. There was much talk of Cruz’s upcoming wedding and Gabby’s work abroad. She was next to Boden at the head of the table, with her colleague, Raúl, across from her; Mouch and Herrmann next to him, Stella and Severide next to Gabby. Sylvie was still feeling offended by Gabby’s lack of apology and was mostly ignoring her, instead talking with Matt, Ritter and Gallo towards the end of the table – squad sitting at the bottom.

At one point, talk turned to Gabby’s firefighting days. Stella elbowed Gabby playfully.

“I miss having another woman on truck: balances out all the stink.” Mouch and Herrmann protested loudly. Matt smiled a little, even maintaining it during a few dramatic retellings of Gabby’s most daring rescues. Foster, Ritter and Gallo were new to them, so the storytellers – mostly Cruz, Mouch and Herrmann, got really into it, making Gabby blush. Hearing it all again softened Sylvie’s resentment and she found herself relaxing.

“I’ll always remember the time you crawled through 50 foot of rubble to rescue me.” Gabby said softly to Matt, who gripped his fork a little tighter but otherwise responded warmly.

“You banging on that pole really helped.”

“That’s our girl! Pinned under rubble and with a concussion she still manages to help in her own rescue!” Herrmann raised his glass. “To Dawson!” The table responded with claps and echoing cheers. Sylvie even joined in, as did Matt.

“Oh you guys, I’ve missed you all so much.” Gabby looked around, eyes shining. “And I have an announcement to make.” She cleared her throat and then looked directly at Matt. “I’m pregnant.” There was a pause, like a breath in before an icy plunge.

“Oh.” Mouch said finally. “Congrats, Dawson.” Herrmann chimed in, sounding happy but still steeling a quick glance at Matt, who hadn’t reacted, just staring at Gabby. She smiled tentatively as the others began to join in the congratulations. Matt stood suddenly, his chair scraping uncomfortably loudly. Everyone turned to look at him. After a beat, he seemed to notice the attention and said hoarsely.

“Excuse me.” He made to leave and Sylvie’s heart ached to look at his clenched jaw. She put down her napkin, about to follow when Gabby’s sharp comment stopped them both.

“Don’t mind him, Casey never wanted me to get pregnant.” Sylvie felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. Matt stopped walking but didn’t turn around. No one was looking directly at anyone else, flinching away whenever they made eye contact. “He didn’t want me to be a firefighter either but I did that.” Matt turned then, expression like stone and Sylvie’s stomach swooped to see it.

“Does he know?” He asked.

Gabby lifted her chin. “Of course, he supports me 100%.”

Matt’s eyebrows rose. “And he’s fine with _it_?”

Matt had never talked about how exactly he and Gabby had decided to divorce. The obvious reason was her new job, but they’d hardly tried long distance. Selfishly, Sylvie was early anticipating finding out the hidden meaning, to lay in the missing piece of the puzzle. Gabby squared her jaw. Her colleague looked confused.

Matt’s expression cleared. “He doesn’t know.”

“He doesn’t need to know.” Gabby snapped.

“Gabby, what’s he talking about?” Raúl asked. She waved him off.

“Maybe we should-” The chief began but Gabby interrupted.

“No, it’s fine. Casey was just about to explain why me getting pregnant should be anyone else’s decision but mine.” Matt stared at her a moment and then let out a long breath.

Straightening, he said formally.

“Good luck, Gabby. I hope it works out for you.”

Then he left.

Gabby blanched. “Hey! Where are you going?”

“Let him go.” Mouch advised.

Herrmann looked around and blurted. “Anyone want to tell me what the Hell is going on?”

“I would also like to know.” Raúl put in. Gabby looked at them, open mouthed.

“Why didn’t Casey want you to get pregnant?” Severide demanded.

Gabby glared. “None of your business.”

“You brought it up!” Severide snapped back and several others began to murmur in agreement.

“Gabriela, please.” Raúl insisted, imploringly.

Breathing in deeply, she bit out. “Casey just freaked out a little at something the doctor said.”

“Oh, it’s going to kill you, isn’t it?” Severide guessed.

“What?” Cruz and some of the others gasped.

Gabby’s glare intensified. “I’m not going to die. I can do this. I know I can.”

“Is this because of the miscarriage?” Boden rumbled, looking concerned. Gabby blinked, hurt all over her face. Sylvie had had enough. She stood and excused herself, barely containing a snarl when Gabby saw her and hit out.

“Oh, that’s right, run to him.” Sylvie experienced an out-of-body moment then. She could quite believe that this was her old partner. Very aware of all the eyes on her, she drew herself up.

“You left _us, _Gabby and for the record, we’re just friends. Guess you’ve forgotten what that looks like.” She heard a low ‘ooooh’ as she left, not turning back.

Matt was looking at a photo on his desk when she knocked on the door frame.

“Hey.” He greeted, brow wrinkled. “Didn’t stay for dessert?”

“I wasn’t hungry.” She snarked back. She came in and closed the door. “Are you okay?”

Matt smiled. “Actually, I am.”

To her relief, she believed him. “I don’t know the full story but it didn’t sound pleasant.”

“It wasn’t, but as I was about to argue with her, I realized that I don’t have to do that anymore. Sure I’ll miss the good times, but I will not miss the bad.”

Sylvie smiled back, stomach swelling. “Good.”

“And you?”

She nodded. “The same. It’s in the past. Oh, and she accused us of being an item.”

He winced. “Ah.”

“Yeah, I set her and everybody straight but, you know firefighters.”

“Hopefully they’ll just put it down to jealousy.” Just then a furious Severide knocked on the door. Sharing an alarmed glance with Matt, Sylvie moved to open it.

Nearly vibrating, Severide asked Matt shortly. “You okay?”

“Yeah, better than you, what happened?”

Severide waved a dismissive hand. “She finally told us and all Hell broke loose. I’m surprised you can’t hear Herrmann having a heart attack from here.”

Sylvie and Matt glanced in the direction of the breakroom but Sylvie just shrugged.

Matt’s lip twitched. “You didn’t try to defend my honour, did you?”

Severide’s eyes narrowed before he huffed, looking away.

Sylvie joked. “That means yes, right?”

Matt joined in. “Oh, Sev, you _do_ care.”

Severide didn’t laugh though. “How are you so calm about this?”

Matt sobered a little, but his voice remained light. “I’m over it. Whatever she does now is none of my business.”

Sylvie felt warm. They’d found their proof that they’d moved on.

Severide nodded. “Well, want me to keep her away, anyway?”

Matt’s smile widened. “I’m fine.”

The bell sounded then: all companies. Only feeling slightly guilty from the relief it brought her, Sylvie joined the others rushing to the rigs. She didn’t see Gabby on the way.

In the ambo, Foster laughed. “Well, that was wild!”

Sylvie smiled. “51 is a family: awkward family dinners are also included.”

“True dat.” Foster agreed, looking more entertained than anything.

Sylvie felt compelled to say.

“She wasn’t always like that.” Keeping her eyes on the road, she heard her tone turn nostalgic. “She was a great partner once.”

“From the way everyone talked about her, I thought she was God’s gift to firefighting.” Foster added questioningly.

Sylvie hummed. “That was part of the problem.”

Foster shook her head.

“But man, I can’t imagine her and Casey together. Did he really let her push him around like that?”

Sylvie considered. On one hand, she didn’t want to betray Matt’s confidence, on the other, she didn’t want Foster to have the wrong idea.

“Well, she wasn’t that bad. Sure, she was headstrong, but she cared about people, their feelings. She could compromise but we all have those lines we won’t cross, the things we will always fight for.”

Foster tilted her head. “I guess.”

Sylvie twisted her lip but didn’t push it. Unless Gabby moved back permanently, Foster didn’t need to see her as a friend and ally. Hell, neither did Sylvie really. It wasn’t like they’d had any contact since the signed photo and it seemed that Dawson had changed since then. Maybe that was for the best.

…

Kelly sat stewing in the front seat of the squad rig. He needed to calm down so as not to lose his head on the call. He knew this, but it was still difficult. Casey often got himself into trouble even outside of fire grounds and Kelly would help him where he could, but not since the smarmy Griffin had been mouthing off about Casey’s family at the Academy had Kelly felt so protective; so enraged on Casey’s behalf. Of course Casey didn’t need Kelly’s intervention, as usual he was rising above it all. So maybe it was just Kelly indulging in his anger, his frustration at watching Casey suffer through not only his divorce and losing his apartment but also Otis’ death and the enquiry which had kept dragging him over the coals for months. Casey was a champion at suffering in silence and the better he did it, the more infuriated Kelly became.

Damn it had felt good to really let loose on the high and mighty Gabby, who’d once been a good and loyal friend but had become a leech, drawing on Casey’s love and support in order to lift herself up. The sheer cruelty of waving her possibly fatal pregnancy in Casey’s face was the last straw and Kelly hadn’t held back.

_You should know better than anyone how many people he’s lost and you were going to put him through that again?_

When she’d hit back with ‘her body, her choice’, he’d retaliated.

_And it’s his choice not to watch you kill yourself!_

The very idea made him so mad. Casey’s own wife riding roughshod all over his feelings, over his emotional wellbeing for her own selfish desires. He hadn’t been thrilled at the divorce, seeing the toll it had taken on his friend, but now he was enraged. Years of marriage thrown away like that. He felt retroactively ashamed that he'd told Casey to take half the responsibility for making the long-distance relationship work. Wished he'd just told him to file for divorce as soon as she'd left.

They pulled up and feeling Tony’s eyes on him, Severide took in a deep breath, releasing it as he hopped out. He assessed the pile-up quickly, sinking into crisis mode and they had a successful save.

During clean up, he caught sight of Casey talking to one of the cops on scene. Seeing he had a moment, Severide went over, calling just as Casey turned away.

“Hey. Good work back there.”

Casey squinted a little in the strong sun which had come out of nowhere. He had a bemused smile on his face. “Same to you.”

The call had cleared Severide’s head so he didn’t bring it up again, just reading Matt’s face. Recognizing what Severide was doing, Casey held still and the light in his eyes, the relaxed stance, convinced Kelly that his friend really was okay. He patted Casey on the shoulder and they finished up before heading back to the firehouse. In the rig, Kelly thought to himself: he wouldn’t start anything, but he still had some choice words for her if _she _tried to go after Casey again.

…

Boden was glad for the chance to talk to Dawson alone as the others rushed out. Although he’d been saddened by the divorce, it hadn’t been any of his business beyond keeping an eye on Casey. He’d wondered as to the reason, but had never pried. Hearing the venom and terrible secret, it all made perfect, tragic sense. What didn’t make sense was the Gabriela Dawson sitting next to him. Her colleague had excused himself, leaving just the two of them.

She was shaking her head. “I can’t believe them! What, I leave for five minutes and suddenly everyone is against me? So much for loyalty!”

“Gabby.” Boden began carefully. “They have the right to their opinions and it’s been a lot longer than five minutes.”

Jaw working, she folded her arms. “You too? What has he been saying about me?”

“Since when has having a different opinion meant you’re not on the same side?” Boden asked seriously, with a hint of chastisement. Dawson pouted but didn’t answer. “I don’t know what happened between you and Matt and I don’t want to know. But you can’t come in here looking for a fight.”

Deflating, a few tears leaked out of her eyes. “I just wanted a baby with him. After all the good I’ve done over the years, is that so much to ask?”

Boden sighed. “You know that life doesn’t work that way. My advice? Move on. Matt has.”

Dawson’s expression hardened. “I’m not going to throw away all those years we had together.”

Irritation beginning to build, Boden said firmly.

“Gabby, you already made your choice, you can’t un-make it now.”

“Chief.” She implored, but he remained unmoved.

“I think it’s time you left.”

“You’re kicking me out?”

Boden just stared her down solemnly.

Sniffing, she rose. “Guess so. I know where I’m not wanted.”

Heart heavy, Boden watched her leave. A while later, the rigs came back and Boden went to the floor to greet them. He nodded to everyone and signalled to Casey to come to his office. The captain’s brow lowered, shoulders tensing but he went without protest.

“She’s gone.” Boden said simply.

Casey stared at him a moment before coughing. “Okay.”

Boden eyed him before continuing. “I won’t ask if you’re okay, I’m sure that enough people have already have, but I am here if you want to talk.”

Expression clearing, Casey nodded again, less stiffly. “Thanks, chief.”

He left and Boden sighed, hoping he really would be fine. What a mess.

Casey hung out in the breakroom for a while, talking to Gallo and generally being calm and unbothered by recent revelations. The atmosphere quickly returned to normal. Sylvie squeezed Casey’s shoulder as she passed and few heads turned but the pair ignored them – nothing they could do but outlast the speculation.

“Is it true that you crawled through all that rubble?” Gallo asked at one point. Casey nodded, though he quickly redirected the conversation.

“Not as impressive as the time Cruz lifted a chimney off Severide.” Gallo’s eyebrows shot up and Cruz began deferring even as the others encouraged him to tell the story. Severide caught Casey’s eye from across the room. They smiled at each other as Cruz launched into the tale.

**Author's Note:**

> If Dawson returns to 51 and no one takes her to task for how she left, there will be no words to describe my rage. Knowing the show though, I bet she'll do something miraculous to enthral Foster, Ritter and Gallo as well. >:(  
Anyway, thanks for reading!  
:D


End file.
